2009
‘Excuse me, excuse
me, please.’ The young waitress had to shout over the din of conversations in
the café to make herself heard. ‘There is a white Toyota with a dent in its
body in the back car park.’ She read from a piece of paper in her hand. ‘Number
plate 94-DL-542. The lights are on.’
Like the other customers,
I stopped eating for a moment and looked up as the waitress made her
announcement. Near the door a man jumped up, hastily swiped at his mouth with a
napkin, and dashed outside.
‘Oh, dear, that’s
not yours, is it?’
‘No, Auntie, we
bought the car last year. It has an 09 number. And the lights turn off
automatically.’
‘When she said there
was a dead body in the back seat, I thought that Colin was causing trouble
again.’
‘None of the Colins
I know would leave a corpse in my car. In any case, it wasn’t a dead body. The
car has a dent in its body, and it’s back of the café. That’s what she was
saying.’ I raised my voice as loud as I dared in the restaurant. Aunt Mary is
growing deaf.
She regarded me uncertainly.
I suppose she could tell from my face that I had shouted and was attempting to
tell her something, but I don’t think she understood my explanation of the
announcement. Sometimes when she gets a wrong notion, it is hard to dislodge it
from her mind. ‘Perhaps I am thinking of someone else. My memory isn’t as good
as it used to be. I’m certain it was Colin who put the dead body in the back
seat of our car.’ She took a large bite of her burger and chewed thoughtfully.
Aunt Mary’s lapses
of memory are becoming more frequent of late, but her appetite remains strong. I
try to take her to lunch at least once a month. She does enjoy getting out.
Unfortunately she favours a café alongside the N56 just north of Letterkenny. I
have tried to suggest other places, ones with better food, but she always
insists on this café. She knows the owners’ mother—they attend the same church—and
for her that is reason enough to patronise it. The café is large and
boisterous, and I think that is part of its appeal for her. She likes watching
the people in the restaurant and the traffic passing outside the windows.
There are always
families with young children, and that makes her happy. The progress from the
door to the table is always brought to a halt when she stops beside some
harried mother attempting to placate a fractious child and asks how old the
‘darlin’ is. No matter what number the startled woman says, my aunt invariably
replies, ‘Oh, that is a good age. Well, enjoy her while she is young. She’ll
soon grow up and become a teenager. She’ll break your heart then.’ My aunt then
walks on, leaving behind a mother seriously contemplating abandonment of the
beast before it reaches an even more obnoxious stage.
Most of the
waitresses are older women who have worked at the café for years. They know my
aunt and fuss over her, and she also likes that. She always orders the same
meal. A large burger with chips. She eats everything on the plate, but her
progress is slow. I usually finish as much as I care to eat about half an hour
before she does. She also takes full advantage of the opportunity of being with
someone to talk, and that further slows her consumption of food. I like to
think that I am a favourite nephew and that my presence cheers her. I know from
experience that patience is a necessity—that and a stiff drink waiting for me
at home as a reward for a good deed performed in good spirit.
‘Perhaps Colin was
a friend of your father’s. You look so much like Frank that I sometimes confuse
the two of you.’
‘It could well be,
Auntie. And was he in the habit of putting corpses in the back seats of cars?’
‘Well, Patrick
wasn’t a corpse when they left our place. Patrick Noonan, that was his name. I
remember it now. He lived in Port-an-Iolair.’
‘Patrick?’
‘No, Colin. Patrick
lived in … He lived somewhere else. You’re
interrupting me so much that I’m forgetting my thoughts. I had the whole story
a moment ago.’ She glowered at me and stabbed a chip with her fork. She held it
up and examined it thoughtfully for a few seconds and then bit off about a
third of it. She chewed slowly while looking out the window.
I waited for a few
seconds to see if she would recover her train of thought. Sometimes she does. I
was about to start a fresh topic when she resumed.
‘He pounded on our
door after midnight. He was making a terrible racket. The countryside was much
quieter back then, and it sounded much louder than it would now. The noise woke
all of us up. Norah and I slept in the front bedroom and I wanted to look out
the window. Norah told me not to. She was that frightened. Hissing at me, as if
whoever was outside would be able to hear us if she spoke in a normal voice.
“Mary Kathryn, get away from that window. You’ll get us all killed.” You would
have thought the devil himself would come flying in the window if I peeked out.
She tried to crawl under the bed, but that’s where we kept the cases with our
winter clothes and there wasn’t room.
‘I stood at the
side and just pulled the curtain back enough so I could see out. There was a
cart and a horse in the road. The horse was snorting and shaking her head. She
didn’t want to be out at night. I couldn’t see the man making all the noise
because he was still at the door. But there was another man lying on the cart.
He was stretched out, and there was a cloth wrapped around part of his head.
Then Da came in and pulled me away from the window and made me and Norah go
into his and Mam’s bedroom, because it was at the back of the house.
‘Mam was in bed,
with the bed clothes pulled up to her chin. She made us get in bed with her.
She didn’t want Da to open the door. She kept saying, “Michael Gallagher,
you’re not to open that door. I’ll not have that lot in my house.” But then Colin
started shouting, and Frank recognised his voice. I don’t know how he knew him.
Mam and Da weren’t at all happy about Frank knowing this man and him knocking
on our door in the middle of the night, and the both of them went after Frank,
“What have you gotten into now? You’ll bring the troubles on us.” They were that
mad at him.
‘Frank paid them no
attention. He never did when they scolded him. He went downstairs and opened
the door. And there was lots of whispering at the door. Then Frank came back
upstairs and said there had been an accident and Colin wanted him to take the
man on the cart to a doctor in Letterkenny. The other man had been injured in a
boating accident. We had the only car in the village then. Colin wasn’t the
first to ask us to drive someone to a doctor.’
Aunt Mary paused to
chew slowly on a bite of her burger. She was the youngest of the three siblings
in my father’s family. She was six years younger than Norah and eight years
younger than my father. When my father spoke of his sisters, Mary was always
the ‘pretty’ one and Norah the ‘clever’ one. Mary’s reputation in the family
and the village was that she was ‘slow’. In truth, she was simply average, but
that counted for slow in a family with my father and the brilliant Norah. Both
my father and my Aunt Norah were eloquent. Mary was born into a household of
talkers, and at an early age, she apparently chose not to add to the babble
around herself. For that she was called ‘slow’. To judge from the pictures, she
was pretty, but so was Norah. ‘Pretty’ was simply a polite label for what the
family regarded as Mary’s only saving grace.
Aunt Mary is 89
now. Unlike Norah, she married only once and was, as far as any outsider can
ever tell of someone else’s marriage, content in her life with Uncle Michael.
She had three children, one of whom died of polio when he was eight. My two
cousins left Ireland as soon as they were adults, but they visit once each year.
Unlike my father and Norah, Aunt Mary never ventured far. Her marital home was
only a few miles from my grandparents’ house. She seemed not to care about
that. She was interested in our life in Dublin, and she spoke with great
knowledge of Norah’s far-flung travels. But never with envy or regret. She had
the same interest in her neighbours. If others led more exciting lives, she was
prepared to share their joys without begrudging them their happiness.
My childhood memory
of her is of a dowdy woman flinging open the door to her house when we drove up
and rushing out to greet my parents and me. There was always a moment when she
would enfold me in her warm arms and make some remark about how I had grown. Then
she would usher us into her kitchen, and pour cups of strong black tea and set plates
of cakes and teabreads and biscuits on the table. She liked to feed people, and
she was, unusually for that area in those days, a good and adventuresome cook.
If my mother protested feebly that we had just eaten or were on our way to our
grandmother’s to eat, Mary would override any objection. Food was a sacred part
of hospitality.
It’s strange what
one remembers. Of Norah’s rare visits, I can remember in detail the stories she
told of her life, the people she had met, the parties she had gone to. Our
house was in constant motion when that whirlwind visited. Norah demanded
attention and homage, and she got it, of course. She was entertaining and vivacious,
but one went to bed exhausted from the animation of her living.
Aunt Mary, on the
other hand, would sit at her deal table, the wood worn smooth and silver with
years of scrubbing with a pumice bar, her elbows on the table, a dish of tea
held in both hands just beneath her chin, smiling at us impishly as she told a
story about her neighbours. I can’t remember any of the stories, just that she
told them with great good humour and delight. She always enquired about my
progress in school and my parents’ activities, and I think she may have derived
more satisfaction and pride from our accomplishments than any of us.
You listened to
Norah. Aunt Mary listened to you. That was the main difference between them.
Norah was exciting, even Aunt Mary’s children felt that, but Aunt Mary had the
heart. She was the one who relieved the pain. She knew more about that than
Norah or my father. I didn’t appreciate her when I was younger. She was the
boring aunt we had to visit when we stopped in the village and Norah was the
exciting world traveller. But when I grew up and came to understand the value
of ‘manners of the heart’, I learned to treasure Aunt Mary.
Perhaps she had
dreams. If she did, she never spoke of them. She might talk of her hopes for
her children and for me, but I would say that her hopes for herself, if there
were any, had been put away with other childish things when she decided to
cease speaking as a child. I wonder if anyone ever asked her about her dreams
or thought that she might want to lead a life other than the one lived by
everyone else in the village for generations.
She still lives in
the house that she and Uncle Michael occupied for nearly sixty years. After my
uncle died, my cousins arranged for a neighbour to check on her several times a
week. A district health nurse stops by once a month. Aunt Mary is related to
half the village, and she, like everyone her age, is watched. Not obtrusively—that
would create an obligation. In the small world of that village, one never
imposes charity on the neighbours. Help is often offered, but the automatic
response is always ‘No, thank you for offering, but I’m fine’. If help is truly
needed, one simply acts without asking or fussing. If my aunt’s lights are not
on at the usual hour of the morning, a neighbour will knock on the door. If my
aunt comes to the door, the neighbour will offer a prepared excuse—she just wants
to chat for a moment, or she dropped by to see if my aunt will keep her company
on a drive to the shops later in the day.
On the inevitable
day when my aunt doesn’t answer the door, other neighbours will quickly be
consulted. Someone will call the priest and the Garda. But before they arrive,
one of the older women will enter the house alone first to make sure that Aunt
Mary is ‘decent’ and that even in death, especially in death, her dignity is
preserved.
She was in hospital
two winters back with the flu. The doctors were worried about pneumonia. She
recovered but since then there has been a gradual deterioration. She walks very
slowly now. A few years ago the cane was mostly for decoration, part of the
costume of the old. Now she leans on it heavily and does not take the next step
until her feet and the cane are firmly planted.
Each time I take
her to the café, she dresses with care. For her, a visit to a restaurant, no
matter how ordinary it may seem to others, is an event, and events demand adherence
to certain standards. She wears a hat, not a headscarf, and a long black cloth
coat. The wellies or trainers she uses when venturing out on the village streets
are replaced by sturdy leather shoes. The loose trousers with an elastic
waistband and the blouse and the fleece with a zipper in the front that are now
her daily clothes are replaced by a wool skirt and a twinset. Although on the
day of this story, the two parts were not twins. The jumper was light grey, and
the cardigan was beige.
I had never heard the
story she had begun telling. That fact alone made me wonder if it had happened.
My father and everyone else in his family cherished the stories of their lives.
They retold them endlessly. By the time I was a teenager, I had heard them all.
I would hear them countless times again. The Norah that I knew would have been
the one at the window peeking out and would have rushed down the stairs with my
father to share in the excitement of a night visitor. Certainly she would not
have attempted to hide under a bed.
Of late, Aunt
Mary’s stories feature herself in a leading role, one she seldom played in
life. I suspect the story of Colin and Patrick happened to someone else, or
perhaps it was something she saw in a television drama. She isn’t lying. She
does seem to think that the events she relates really happened to her.
She turned her gaze
away from the road and back to me. ‘I don’t remember what happened next. That
happens more and more. I’m forgetting everything. Soon I won’t be able to
remember who I am.’ She looked so forlorn and alone at that moment. ‘That
frightens me so much.’
I pushed my plate
to the side and reached over and took her hand. It was colder and dryer than I
expected, and the flesh had grown loose on the bones. ‘I heard Da tell that
story more than once. He and Grandfather helped Colin move Patrick from the
cart into the car. It was hard because they had to lay him out as flat as
possible but the seat wasn’t long enough. And they had to be careful not to
hurt him. Your mother finally left her bed, and she was upset because Patrick
was bleeding. She made them put a pile of cloths under his head so that he
wouldn’t bleed all over the seat of the car. And then you went and got a
blanket to put over Patrick to keep him warm. You wanted to go along, but of
course they wouldn’t let you go. It wouldn’t have done for a young girl to
accompany the men.’
I watched her
carefully as I spoke to see if the story I was crafting sparked any engagement.
She eyed me warily at first, unable to match what I was saying against her
memories or her imagination. But when I brought her into the story, she sat up
straighter. When I paused in my narrative, she broke in.
‘No, they wouldn’t
let me go. I wanted to, but they said I was too young.’
‘You were what?
Eight? Ten?’
‘Twelve. I was old
enough to go, but in those days they watched us so carefully. We weren’t
supposed to know anything. Mam was always so frightened Norah and I would turn
out to be wild. That was the worst they could imagine for girls in those days.
That you would turn out wild and do something shameful. Of course, Norah did
become wild when she went to London. But that was later.’
‘It was too bad
about Patrick. If I remember correctly, he was a young man.’
‘Not that young. In
his thirties. He had a wife and child. Well, more fool him then running about
with a smuggler like Colin.’
‘Colin was a
smuggler? Da never mentioned that.’
‘Oh, in those days,
Port-an-Iolair was all smugglers. I don’t suppose your father wanted you to
know that he used to associate with criminals. There were so many small fishing
boats there before the harbour silted up. It wasn’t quiet like today. It was
very busy, and there was a place to salt fish and an icehouse. They used to
send fish to Derry on the train every day. But everyone knew that the fishing
was only a front. They all went out at night and brought in arms and men. And
that’s what Patrick was. He was being smuggled back into the country. Sometimes
the Gardai would try to stop one of the boats and there would be a fight. I
think that’s what happened that night. Patrick was shot. Did I say that?’
‘I knew he had been
shot. Da did mention that part of the story.’
‘I suppose that’s
why he died on the way to hospital. You know that long flat stretch just before
Moncrees?’
I nodded.
‘Well, in those
days there weren’t many people living in that area. Not like now with that
housing estate. And they didn’t have the electricity yet, of course. So it was
very dark. And Frank didn’t put the lamps on because he didn’t want to attract
any attention. There were plenty of people ready to report anything suspicious.
And there weren’t that many people who had cars. Someone would have come round in
a day or two asking questions about what they were doing out at that time of
night.
‘The moon provided
enough light for him to see the road. When they came over the hill, they could
see lights far ahead coming toward them. So Frank pulled off the road and stopped
behind an old shed. Frank and Colin got out of the car and watched between the
boards of the shed. When the car got closer, they could see that it was the
Garda. They waited until it was gone. When they went back to the car, they
discovered that Patrick had died while they were waiting. So they put him in
the shed and made it looked as if he had walked there by himself and stopped
there to rest and then died.’
‘You must have been
very worried waiting for Da to return.’
‘None of us could
sleep. We sat up the rest of the night. Of course, we didn’t dare light the
lanterns. So we waited there in the dark, Mam holding on to me as if she
thought I would chase after the car. Da wanted to go out and check, but Mam
wouldn’t let him leave us alone. Frank and Colin didn’t come back until the
morning. Mam was so worried by that point that she didn’t say anything to them.
She was so glad to have them back, even that Colin. She made him sit and have
some tea and breakfast.’
‘I suppose the car
was a mess.’
‘Yes. Mam made Da
drive it around the back, and then sent Norah and me out with pails of water
and brushes to clean the back seat. Most of the blood was on the cloths she had
made them put under Patrick’s head, and she burned those, but we scrubbed the
back seat for an hour and still couldn’t get all the blood out. The water
turned red, and it stained my hands. I never could sit in the back after that.
We couldn’t get it completely clean, and there was a dark spot. I knew it was
that man’s blood, and I couldn’t bear to sit on it. But even in the front seat,
it felt like we were riding with a dead man. I always had the feeling that
Patrick was with us still. Even when Da finally bought another car and got rid
of the old one, I still felt that Patrick was in the back seat. Even now
sometimes I feel that. Can’t rid myself of that old man.’
She sat there lost
in thought for a moment, haunted by ancient memories. Then her face cleared and
she looked up cheerfully. ‘I would like an ice cream now.’
‘Do you want it
here or would you like to go to that Maud’s farther on?’
‘Here, I think. Moira’s
son owns this place. Did you know that?’
‘Yes, you’ve told
me. Do you want to go shopping when we’re finished here? I can take you.’
‘Oh, I won’t
impose. I know you want to get back.’
‘It’s no trouble.
And I was thinking of imposing on you. Do you think you could put me up for the
night?’
‘Oh, that would be
nice. We can talk some more then.’
‘Yes, I would like
that.’
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